This Is An Article About Porn
Katie B

I have discovered the foolproof secret to creating blockbuster movies and hit TV shows. I?m really fairly surprised it has taken me this long to figure it out, but since this will inevitably be my last fire drill article before I leave for Hollywood and have no time for writing anything except award acceptance speeches, I figured I could share the secret with our loyal readers before I go. All 3 of you.

The simple formula I?ve discovered was derived from the striking similarities between what we will all agree are the two greatest media successes of the past few years?nay-- of our glorious generation? ?Wet Hot American Summer? and ?Sorority Life.?

Now, for those of you who live in caves lit only by the pathetic glow of your computer monitors, I will provide a synopsis of the masterpieces you missed while you weren?t mindlessly sitting in front of different types of screens:

?Wet Hot American Summer? (2001)?Picture, if you will, the last day of camp in the summer of 1981. We follow counselors and campers on an emotional journey to settle unfinished business and unrequited love, all before the evening?s big talent show. Starring: Janeane Garofalo, Molly Shannon, and Michael Showalter. Written and directed by: David Wain, the guy who did that sketch comedy show ?The State? on MTV. A perfect homage to the late 70s/early 80s summer camp genre we all know and love.

?Sorority Life? (2002)? And you thought every good idea for a television show had been played out. Listen: what if you took 6 attractive people, put them in a house, and filmed them 24 hours a day? Genius, I know. And now at 10:30 every Monday night on MTV, you can follow the tumultuous lives of the pledges of sigma kappa epsilon pi on the road to sisterhood. It?s all about friendship, love, drinking, and catfights.

I can hear the collective forehead-slapping now?the answer is so obvious! Haha suckers, I figured it out first. The glory is mine!

But there are more than just the surface similarities between these two works of art. Let?s delve into the underlying themes, shall we? WHAS features David Hyde Pierce as the babe-a-licious astrophysics professor who saves the world from total destruction. Sorority Life features babe-a-licious college students who sometimes wait until the stars come out before they go get piss drunk, and some of them may have even considered a physics major before switching to communications. Sorority Life is set at the University of California at Davis, and WHAS is set in Maine! Oh, and there?s this hilarious part in WHAS where Coop says ?I love sluts! Sluts rock!? and the sluts on Sorority Life are equally hilarious. The camp director (Janeane Garofalo) in WHAS is named Beth, and the asst. pledgemaster on Sorority Life is named Beth! And both of the summaries I just wrote have ?MTV? in them! Actually, I?m almost positive that Sorority Life is just re-edited half-hour montages of Wet Hot American Summer footage.

So that settles it?I?m sure you can all see that the secret to writing, producing, and directing a sure-fire success in movies or television lies in astrophysics, coastal locations, girls named Beth, sluts, MTV, and titles that sound almost like porn. But especially sluts.